Pris, remember this.

Acts 20:32

"Now I commit you to God and to the WORD of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified."

This was Gwilym's last blessing for you, for smu cf. Treasure, Tremble, Take & read, Trust, and Unleash the power. Never forget the things that can be accomplished by the precious Word. 

Because in your life, people will say otherwise. You might even think otherwise. Mainstream pop culture would be inviting. It would look easier to just 'go with the flow', 'follow the crowd.' Godly values will pale in comparison.

But no. Do not, never ever, prefer something else other than God. No matter how difficult it seems. And no, there isn't a compromise between your personality and being godly. God delights in your craziness, sassiness, and the fact that you like to move to any kind of music. Being a Christian doesn't mean being boring and serious. Let God shine through your personality.

So this means that besides reading the word, you need to be joyful. Weariness cannot contain you. Jadedness cannot stay. You gotta press on, keep moving. I believe you can.

Just like the rest

Last Monday, I was asked to attend an interview at the ministry for a music teaching position. In primary schools.

That wasn't my first choice. It wasn't my second either. I remember feeling very disappointed when they offered me the subject. I went like, "what, do I not deserve to teach secondary school students?"

Yet it sat with me for the next few days, and I became more comfortable with the idea. My plan was to get in, be trained, get out, then move on to greater things. To promote the arts and culture industry in Singapore. To preserve our heritage.

With that goal in mind, I hopped on my dad's ride on Monday. "Why don't you teach examinable subjects, like Math, or English? I don't think teaching non-examinable subjects are good for career progression", he said in Mandarin.

"You don't even know what I want to do in the future."

Silence. 1, 2, 3.

"I think the home and foreign affairs need people. They have lots of empty spaces. You see, the who (someone in his social circle) rose up to the top in only 5 years! I mean if you don't like garhment then you can go American company."

Silence.

American company. Corporate slavery. So he's just like the rest eh? Career progression. Do what's profitable and not what you like.

My heart, died, again. I didn't want to ruin my makeup with those tears. So I held back. It was such a painful, disappointing encounter.

I kept telling myself he's not to blame, that maybe, he just wanted a good life for me. Like all parents want for their children. But in the process, it diminishes their agency, it reduces them to a mindless, money-making machine (mmmm) that is just like the rest of the people. Okay I exaggerate, but I felt that it came off that way.

Maybe things change. Maybe in a year I'll be working at Tanjong Pagar, Marina South, Raffles Place. I'll be carrying my Kate bag and my Jimmy heels working a 9-7 job.

But maybe I'll be poor, with less than $5000 in my account. I'll be busking, I'll be performing. Maybe you'll see me working for the Singapore's Art Festival, the Film Festival. Maybe I'll be happy.

Who knows.