Neon

No meaning to the title haha. It's just that the song is stuck in my head for now.

It has been an amazing 2 weeks for me, especially with the semester ending! I thank God for a rather chill Week 13 and now in the middle of Week 14, I thank God that I'm not burned out yet (unlike last sem -.-)

Bff believed that books have an interesting way of keeping you away from it before the right time. And when you do pick it up, it does seem to speak to you at the right time, the right moment. Well I guess there's some truth to that. I picked up Purpose Driven Life again, despite reading it 7 years ago. It's one of the first few books that I did during my growing years in teens and picking it up again was kinda weird, since I should have outgrew its content. But, everything was just so apt. I came to the chapter about testing and temptation during the toughest period this year, and it pulled me through, and I was damn sure that God purposely put me through this to mold my character. I came to the chapter about serving when I was struggling with my area of service and pride. In retrospect, everything that happened this year was for a reason, and I believe that it is to build God's Kingdom. It might be unclear to me now, but I guess obedience before understanding!

I remembered at the start of the year, I made this 'bold' prayer: God, help me to rely on your grace in this situation. I know your strength can shine through my weakness. So Lord, bring it on. Unleash your power in my life. Please use my pain for your glory.

God wasn't joking. After I made this prayer, people started to 'warn' me. I was scared, but I knew the growth it brings will be worth it.

Amusingly, I thought the pain that I encountered would be the decision to run for exco. I was really struggling at the start, but somehow, I got used to it and I enjoy doing my job. It didn't feel like a chore anymore. I remembered wondering "wait what, that's it? God, so this struggle is gone so easily?" Nah. Looks like that was just level 0.5

Level 1 was was the real deal. I've never felt so upset in my life before, I'm sure. Not even my breakup 4 years ago? It.was.really.painful. And now I'm over the most painful stage, I looked back and realised I asked for it. Sort of. And I thank God that his strength really shone through my weaknesses. I am sucker for emotions. I give in. But God gave me enough strength to get pass it. Yay!

And so, I am currently now anticipating level 2. Idk what it will be, but this means that I have to be on guard and I have to keep close to God. Because if I don't, I might just topple again. Oh, and I really, really, really hope it's nothing about Sze min and I, because earlier on in the year someone warned us that the devil was trying to snatch away this special friendship with share. NO WAY MAN. But I guess I can see it in another way - God is using our friendship for His kingdom, and I'm glad that he is.

Yeah, now I dare to tell God to BRING IT ON. Use my pain for Your Glory, because I want to build your Kingdom. Test me, tempt me. Because I know that whatever comes, you'll definitely provide a way out for me, and by then, I'll receive the crown of life (: