Week summerending

主我願讓你來擁有我的心
不再用力堅持倚靠自己
願你每句話語 都成為我命定
改變我生命一步一步與你更靠近（走進你心意）

I must say, this week was really challenging and stressful. Challenging - worship leading at a conference. Stressful - Voix concert is in 2 weeks and things are not moving fast enough. Challenging and stressful - I'm leaving for Korea in a week's time.

I've led worship for 3 times in the month of July already. First, it was youth Sunday. Then GoForth, and today, Sunday service. All with the same people - Sam and Minmin. It's sort of a 'comeback' for me since I took a 5 month hiatus due to Voix commitments. I would say it was initially a dread but I guess God satisfies in ways I do not understand. Well, GoForth was a really good experience, especially leading in a church and with a congregation we are not familiar with. The thing is, the people who attended the conference are people from traditional churches, and they can't seem to get used to our rah-rah worship set. It was so awkwardddd.. But we remain optimistic, and gave it our all to the Lord. The lack of physical expression does not determine the level of 渴慕 for God.

So for the last 2 weeks I gave much thought to my calling as a worship leader. Honestly, I’m still searching if this is what God has called me to. There are times when it’s hard, but there were sweet moments too – when you see everyone so into worshipping Him. But, as this is my third year of leading officially, I wondered what has changed. Have I improved? Did I find more about what it means to be a WSL? Is this for me? I don’t have answers to all. But these are my thoughts:

1.     Technically, I improved. I can link songs, do transitions well and plan nicely.

2.     I can pray in Chinese. Vaguely, but much better.

3.     I’m still nervous, but less

But I ask myself, so? These matter, but do they matter that much? I realised for the past few services, the worship went as planned and there was no “errrr”s or “ahhh”s, or no-one-can-save-you-except-yourself pauses. It was safe, that’s it. Sadly, this shouldn’t be the case. Of course, I can argue that with these pre-requisites, I am then able to take flight wherever the Spirit is willing to take me. Granted, I am afraid I am aiming to complete the set instead of really giving Him the glory.

Thankfully, service was good today. I only had 4 hours of sleep yesterday night and couldn’t drag myself out of bed this morning. Went for pre-service practice and my voice can barely hit the note. I felt like dying. I didn’t even prepare my “script” (I usually do, just in case) and I knew I had to rely on God. And God was merciful. Even before I stepped onto the pulpit, I could feel God’s presence within the team, and I just kept asking God to use me, for I am a vessel ready to glorify Him. And during the worship, I know God was with me and He was the one who helped me to proclaim the phrases and made a long prayer, all in Mandarin. Couldn’t have done that without God yeah. Thank God, because He is so good.

I had a good day, and I pray that God will grant me the strength that I need for this week, especially with concert preparation. I’m tired, frustrated and sian but I have to trust that these feelings will go away!!!