Not-so-sweet 2016

I'm so glad 2016 is over.

To be honest, it was one of my hardest to date. People comment how fast the year has passed, but I didn't feel so.

The first few months of 2016 has been extremely bitter. Since I just came back from exchange, I had to re-adjust my lifestyle dramatically. Furthermore, it wasn't easy recovering from a relationship and develop new habits again, this time alone. It didn't help when I felt extremely bitter towards my church. I couldn't get into worship every week, and I hated that the fact that being in a Chinese church did not help with my spiritual growth. I was angry that my church did not provide me with what I needed when tough times came - which is the serious study of the word of God. Instead, I got this growth through external sources. I so so so wanted to leave and move somewhere else.

Next few months wasn't as easy as well. Just when I thought I was over everything, jadedness kicked in June/July. Nothing interests me. I pull on a glum face every day during my internship. I hated living life. Bitter. Oh, and I remember how lonely I felt during my second semester in 2016, even though I had some company around. Life was never the same as before.

Against this backdrop of jadedness, bitterness, mindless attitude, I still want to thank God for the things he has accomplished this year. I can safely say I am in a much better state now. God has brought me out from the jadedness and gave me a new heart, new spirit, and a new love for his word and his kingdom. I am very excited with what he can do in 2017.

Just want to share what made the change - In March as we had our youth camp, I realised how tightly knitted my community is. Rather impressive for a youth group from a pure Chinese church. God was showing me how much he loves his people, this community, and that I should too. Subsequently, I told God that I will stay, but he must help me love my ministry more. Give me some divine dissatisfaction so that I can make the changes I want to see. Give me courage to make the ministry a better one for my beloved friends. And he did! Slowly but surely, he did.

God is good. He is faithful. He answered the prayers I made at the start of 2016. It didn't seem like he would do it at that point in time, but he did ultimately. Thanks for healing me Lord, I want to praise you for all that you have done in 2016, for bringing me down but bringing me back up, way higher than I was before. I know you're true, I know you're good. Bring me to greater heights for your kingdom in 2017! I believe I can do so much more with you and for you.

TLDR: God is good and faithful. He delivers his promises. "Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these will be added to you."