Just like you

Perhaps twas was an emo, sian day.


I spend all the free time today pondering about my life, my promise to God, my promise to myself. To become a Christ-like person.

Firstly, I face the struggle of double standards. I often judge my friends for judging the rest, I judge my friends for doing things that I'm not fond of, not realising I'm actually pointing 3 fingers back at myself. Sometimes I wonder why I judge people so much, especially close friends of mine. Maybe, it is the long periods of time spent together that has allowed me to pick on such minute details. And sometimes, I do face this stupid issue to thinking I'm better off than everyone else. Pfft, dumb.

2, no matter how much I want to change and be different in Christ-like way, I can't!! Which may go to show that this character I want to achieve still does not come from the heart. I've always prayed for God to help me to be like Jesus, and when people see me, they see God. I'm sure many Christians made that prayer at least once in their lifetime, but it's so hard for me to achieve it! I truly want my friends to see that I'm different because I have God, but no different as a friend.

3, I struggle with the fear of labelling. Many stigmatize us as "holy", going to church and tweeting about God is extremely spiritual and beyond the realms of this physical world thing. It's like reaching Nirvana, or too "up there". I dislike this description. I know, I trust that God made us out to be different kinds of people, the fun ones, quiet ones, enthusiastic ones.. It's boring if everyone else is the same. Therefore, it is silly to infer that "holy" Christians cannot be fun. Come to think of it, I really dislike the usage of "holy" here. We can never be holy, in a sense. I confess I can never be, because of so much sin in me. Thankfully, God has sent Jesus as a sacrifice and we are all dead to sin. Yay!! It is because I am weak and that's why I need God. Anyway, back to my point, I often find it difficult to strike a balance, because of the constant need to impress my friends through entertainment, media, but never thinking of bringing God into the picture, for fear of the label.


You know, at least I'm glad that I'm aware of what I have to work on. Imagine my blind spot is the failure to see my blind spots.. Anyhow, these changes can never be achieved alone. I pray that God will shape and mould me through experiences, obstacles, and make me the beautiful woman that he had in mind. But I am just like you, imperfect. Imperfect, but will be made (a little) more perfect through God's grace.