Nerdy updates

It's week 4 (OMG NO KIDD) and school has been pretty much s.... surprisingly chill.

Many people I've encountered hangs "stressed" over their lips. And I'm like whaaaaat? Ok for the benefit of doubt, I haven't had my first presentation, my first test or even group project meetings. Some friends have already started meetings, serious, intense, meetings.

Maybe it's too early to say that. I'll get my shit soon. Then you'll hope that I'll slap my cheek for saying this now. But well, I do have my "stressed" moments, but they are pretty much short-lived. The most stressful thing is that few seconds before raising your hands for class part. That 10 seconds or so where you started to generate a simple thought, and trying your best to form it into a coherent, logical question/answer. That's the worst. I never fail to have my heart thumping LIKE MAD (and when I say LIKE MAD, I really mean LIKE MAD) before making my statement. And it doesn't get any better. I usually fumble on my first few words, saying words that doesn't make sense when put together. I use hand gestures to signify my intent, but I realise they are actually trembling.. Who said I was confident and vocal?

Another possibly stressful aspect of school is probably weekly quizzes. I hate it, hate hate hate. Especially when the prof shows the class average and you have access to the statistics. I've been below average for 3 weeks in a row and that feeling is just sian. However, if that provides me any consolation, the mod is a business-y and fluff mod, which kinda explain my disinterest..

CCAs have not officially started and I'm kinda looking forward. Partly also due to the fact that I believe I'll make real friends through CCA. It's week 4 and I'm pretty much alone, with the exception of Zian around and a 'Monday Lunch' buddy. I feel like there's no someone I can navigate around school, grab food from Koufu/Kopitiam/Waterloo, or just slack. I know understand why people described SMU as "come and go". People really do come and go, and I don't feel anything concrete about current friendships. Go on, you can say I'm bitter (吃不到葡萄说葡萄酸), I think I am. But, I choose to believe this is a test from God. Maybe a better word would be development. And I actually delight in doing things alone more and more!

Yay. Nerdy updates end.