My thoughts on Yee

A video of a 17 year-old went viral last week. The boy behind the video, Amos Yee, made very insensitive comments about the death of Singapore's founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, including insulting him as a 'horrible person', and that people should rejoice over his death. Furthermore, he compared LKY with Jesus, stating that both are 'full of bull'. I don't want to elaborate on what he had said, you can read it down below in this link:

(https://jesscscott.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/amos-yees-speech/)

I was initially outraged at his insensitive comments especially during the time of national mourning. Personally, I feel that respect and a freedom of speech are 2 very different things. Let's take a look at an analogy. Parents may give their children the freedom to do 'whatever they want', but there should be basic respect for the parents (because they're given the authority). I know this argument may be quite flimsy, because it's never easy to draw the line between both. I was less upset about the criticism of LKY, but more because he did it at such an untimely manner. Plus, freedom of speech does not equate to its abuse.

Throughout the past few days, many have been blogging, sharing, talking about it on social media. I did not manage to read all of the comments, but I know many are outraged. In fact, police reports were even made by his own mother! I told myself not to participate in any forms of debate, as I didn't want to breed any negativity and disharmony. Surprisingly (or not), there were a few who stood up for him and said he made valid points, while some requesting for him to be given counselling instead of putting him in jail. It's pretty interesting to see SMRT Feedback's comments about Amos as having 'high intellect that is a little too mature (sociopolitical sense) for his age'. You know what, I do agree.

The turning point for me came when I read about his life in Zhonghua Secondary. Pretty good Chinese school, though not at the top. My initial thought was that he must be an eloquent speaker yet a spoilt brat who lacks EQ. What struck me most, out of his many points, was about the rigidity of mainstream education. He said that he refused to copy whatever his teachers had written on the board, because he believed it wasn't the right way of learning. "Copying is memorising", the teacher said. WHAT? Has our education system degenerated in such a way where we focus on what to learn instead of how to learn? That's why Amos didn't fit it. That's why he didn't have any friends. He was too different. His ideas were too radical for the masses to accept. He was suppressed for 4 years (if not more) of his life.

You know as a sociology student, I don't just see things on the surface. I look a lot on how the norms, culture and institutions shape him as a person. Imagine this. Place Amos in the US. Would he be different? I would say yes. Different in a good way, because he'll be able to explore and articulate ideas from young without being labelled as 'freak' or 'abnormal'. Or let's say, place him in one of the more established 'top school', that's more autonomous, Raffles Institution. I believe things would have been different. He is a boy, bursting with new ideas and perspective, ready to share with the world, but no one accepts or see it the same way. His present behaviour is a result of his suppression.

What I really think he needs is effective counselling. He may not be receptive at the start, especially if it's someone who is a Singaporean. He may believe that the counsellor's ideals are shaped by the 'totalitarian' and 'machiavellian' LKY. But it's the rejection stage we have to get through. Amos needs someone who is able to help him channel his creative thoughts into a good way, into changes that can progress the society. I recognise that he's actually a pretty smart and politically aware kid for someone his age. To his parents, Amos is not out of control, he just needs proper guidance. I hope the internet can see this issue in a different light, and stop bashing him and his parents. Help this poor boy who can still enjoy a bright future provided if he uses his strengths in the right way.


P.S. In no way am I agreeing to what Amos had said in his video. I respect LKY as a great leader and the founding father of our nation. Also, as a Christian, I first found his comments to be offensive, but later realised I wasn't that angry after all. Just as Christ who forgave us, we must learn to forgive as well.

Romans 3

I have encountered questions such as, if Christians claim that God's glory is magnified in their weaknesses/sins, does this mean that "Let us do evil that good may result?" (Roman 3:8). Legit question. Paul answers this with Romans 3:9, with the law that points to the fact that all have sin. It does sound penalizing and gory - "Their throats are open graves", "The poison of vipers is on their lips", but it is one that reflects the standards of God, so that "every mouth may be silenced and that the whole world be held accountable to God" (Romans 3:19). Paul ends off with the real reason behind doing good instead of evil - "through the law we become conscious of sin".

The written law definitely sounds uncompromising, yet we have to have to understand the nature of God. His punishment does not nullify His love, not at all. Instead, these laws will serve as a reminder to our own inadequacies, remind us of our sins each and day and how much we need His grace.

Cracks

Pride is poison. Each day I reflect about my words, thoughts, and actions in the bathroom. And each day I feel dejected. I'm shocked at what has become of me. I have become so critical, sarcastic, hypocritical, unaccepting, and condescending. I became the person I hated. I don't know since when I became so pessimistic, and it affects how I look at others as well. My perceived perfection of myself dismisses whatever good present in others. I am totally disgusted at my thoughts. So everyday when I come out of the shower, I feel bloody annoyed at myself for entertaining the thoughts that are self-serving and doesn't honour God. I remind myself that I am a sinner in need of God's grace, but that does not seem to make me any better. I need humility in my life.

Little Black Dress

Just attended my second Sara Bareilles concert. The last one was a little more than 3 years ago.

In my opinion, Sara Bareilles is under-rated. That's because she doesn't have style that most singers have, like the vibrato. Her sound is clean and sharp, and may sound "simplistic" for most people to enjoy. But in fact, you realise that it's damn hard to sound exactly like her (you can try it and record now if you wish). Her vocal techniques - including the usage of mix and chest voice to evoke certain emotions is certainly impressive. Well yeah I would categorise her as pull-chest, but that style really works for her. Recording studios often make good singers sound mediocre while bad singers sound better (think autotune). Live is always the best representation. I had a taste of her soulful singing, and what stands out was her sharing about the song's history (She wrote all of her songs how awesome can it get...) through today's concert. Even something mainstream like "Brave" sounded so inspiring. I hope she continues to produce such good music!

P.S. my favourite songs from the set are Manhattan, Come Round Soon, Chandelier (WOW), Chasing the Sun, Gravity.

Week summerending

主我願讓你來擁有我的心
不再用力堅持倚靠自己
願你每句話語 都成為我命定
改變我生命一步一步與你更靠近（走進你心意）

I must say, this week was really challenging and stressful. Challenging - worship leading at a conference. Stressful - Voix concert is in 2 weeks and things are not moving fast enough. Challenging and stressful - I'm leaving for Korea in a week's time.

I've led worship for 3 times in the month of July already. First, it was youth Sunday. Then GoForth, and today, Sunday service. All with the same people - Sam and Minmin. It's sort of a 'comeback' for me since I took a 5 month hiatus due to Voix commitments. I would say it was initially a dread but I guess God satisfies in ways I do not understand. Well, GoForth was a really good experience, especially leading in a church and with a congregation we are not familiar with. The thing is, the people who attended the conference are people from traditional churches, and they can't seem to get used to our rah-rah worship set. It was so awkwardddd.. But we remain optimistic, and gave it our all to the Lord. The lack of physical expression does not determine the level of 渴慕 for God.

So for the last 2 weeks I gave much thought to my calling as a worship leader. Honestly, I’m still searching if this is what God has called me to. There are times when it’s hard, but there were sweet moments too – when you see everyone so into worshipping Him. But, as this is my third year of leading officially, I wondered what has changed. Have I improved? Did I find more about what it means to be a WSL? Is this for me? I don’t have answers to all. But these are my thoughts:

1.     Technically, I improved. I can link songs, do transitions well and plan nicely.

2.     I can pray in Chinese. Vaguely, but much better.

3.     I’m still nervous, but less

But I ask myself, so? These matter, but do they matter that much? I realised for the past few services, the worship went as planned and there was no “errrr”s or “ahhh”s, or no-one-can-save-you-except-yourself pauses. It was safe, that’s it. Sadly, this shouldn’t be the case. Of course, I can argue that with these pre-requisites, I am then able to take flight wherever the Spirit is willing to take me. Granted, I am afraid I am aiming to complete the set instead of really giving Him the glory.

Thankfully, service was good today. I only had 4 hours of sleep yesterday night and couldn’t drag myself out of bed this morning. Went for pre-service practice and my voice can barely hit the note. I felt like dying. I didn’t even prepare my “script” (I usually do, just in case) and I knew I had to rely on God. And God was merciful. Even before I stepped onto the pulpit, I could feel God’s presence within the team, and I just kept asking God to use me, for I am a vessel ready to glorify Him. And during the worship, I know God was with me and He was the one who helped me to proclaim the phrases and made a long prayer, all in Mandarin. Couldn’t have done that without God yeah. Thank God, because He is so good.

I had a good day, and I pray that God will grant me the strength that I need for this week, especially with concert preparation. I’m tired, frustrated and sian but I have to trust that these feelings will go away!!!

Do You Acappella

I do, but I'm not going to.

I am going to Korea to attend a conference, and I am unable to perform for my club's concert. The worse part: I still have to come for every practice and prepare for the concert I'm not singing.

Well that was what I thought initially, that it was a lose-lose situation for me. I was really upset and sian I couldn't get to perform, but yet have to invest my summer because of responsibilities as an exco member. Thankfully, this feeling only lasted briefly. I can't imagine sulking and doing something unwillingly for a few months, because it's hard for me to do something I don't like.

It's 4 weeks left to concert, and we are not even half ready. So many things to be done, such as execution of stage performance other than singing itself. Props, script, and all the little details have yet to be discussed. It's quite sad to think that I wouldn't be able to even watch the show I've prepared for :( but I guess I'm still pretty excited about the end product!

And honestly, I have to thank God that the preparation process didn't seem like a chore to me; at least it was different from what I had expected. It's actually an enriching experience to be planning for this student-led event. It kinda allowed me to see the potential I have as a student, and I tell myself that I can actually achieve great things. My summer is definitely not wasted, as I believe that in this hectic period of juggling with church, relationships and CCA, I learn to treasure and appreciate the little rest I have, the little time I spend with my loved ones, and the little things that would make me smile.


Alright thoughts are fuzzy, time to sleep!
To a good day ahead!

Merry-go-round

It's a love-hate relationship. A kid craves for that initial adrenaline rush, but soon regrets as he gets dizzy. He dives for the cold, hard floor, looking at the sky spinning and wonders if this is how it feels like to die. But when he recovers, he hops on again. The cycle repeats.

How I wish someone would take that kid away from the playground and never come back again.