Who am I

Last Friday assured my decision in Year One: To repeat or not.

I'm glad I did, and the results is also why I did. I obtained 4 distinctions with a B for GP. Unbelievable..

GP is the surprising one. Although I secretly wished that to ace it, my mind told me to be realistic. I did an almost philosophical question, a question that only the bishan and bukit timah JCs will do. "Is humour ever serious?" Seriously, I wrote that. After the paper, I told my friends about my attempt and their jaws just.. dropped. That made me feel so awful and I swear I would never want to see those expressions again. It made me doubt myself.

Buttttt, THANK GOD! People may think that it's luck, but no, it's God. I would never achieved such grades without his grace. There was a chance for me to go up on stage and collect my results from the principal. What honour, and a dream come true. This proves that nothing is impossible, and for those teachers who look down on retainees, IN YOUR FACE. Hahaha.

Nonetheless, I especially miss the times studying in the library, coming up with weird theories for entertainment with friends, trying to stay awake while mugging yadayada.. It was the process of long mugging hours that cultivated my perseverance, my independence and so on. While people will label me as "the retainee with 4 As", that is not something I want to be remembered for. That's sad actually. I want to be known as a friend who has helped her peers to study and achieve something more, a friend that motivated many to dream big, and a friend that encouraged many during the tough preparations. This means so much more to me.

I remember asking God in Year 1.5 to grant me good grades to glorify Him. How? By helping my classmates when they ask for help. Be patient and help them out in my stronger subjects. Be a friend they can turn to if they have any questions. Did I do it? Yes, I did, but I thought I could have done better. I'm an impatient person, and I do admit that I was annoyed by the influx of questions(at times only!) asked during my mugging time. I thought the time answering questions could be used for my OWN revision. How selfish yeah. But I learn, and I grow. While I thank God for my results, this is a chance for me to learn and grow to become better and selfless, to become more like Jesus.

Lastly, being on the honour roll does not change who I am. If I'm the girl struggling with sin, I am. If I am the christian that does not do qt, I am. Having distinctions will not score a special place in heaven above. I need to deal with whatever problems I have, no escape. I continue to pray that God will be help me to overcome the bad habits in my life.

Right now, I'm facing a good problem: choosing my primary degree. (I know many people would want to bash me!) I still love econs, but I have serious doubt on my ability to handle the mathematics. I am definitely torn between economics and sociology! However, I should stop walking in front of God. Let Him take the lead.

Meanwhile, I shall enjoy the 5 months left of an academic respite.