If I gain nothing, will I still serve?

Hi friends! I've just completed a module of LDP for the last 2 days. And I woke up at 7am for the last two days. Round of applause.

For those who don't know, LDP is in short for "Leadership Development Programme", which is an initiative led by my church leaders to develop and groom the next generation of leaders (which is me!) to lead cell groups, or even something bigger. There are a total of 11 of us and most of them are my peers, like people I'm really close to. So we all grow together! I just wanted to pen it down to document this rather significant process of my life, and I can look back here in the future to be amazed at my speed of growth. And of course to critique my own writing..

(On a side note, I realise my post is filled with optimism. I don't know why I am so happy.)

A series of talk was planned for us, which includes our youth pastor, pastor elvis dad yong, and some important leaders in our church, that were ex-youths. Not to bore you with the details, the talks generally spoke about RCC's growth and cell history, and what were their roles in this growth. Some of these leaders shared about their personal experiences which I find guilty, because the "great" things that they did were when they were around 18. I'm turning 20 and I've done nothing! :O The horror.

After many talks, I found it meaningful to my growth as a Christian, and also as a potential leader. Right now,  I realised many things have to be done before stepping up and serving the youth. As I reflect, I am shocked to find myself in a situation where I asked myself, "why did I want to be a leader?" I can definitely answer that I want to serve, but what is the core of my serving? Who do I want to serve? What/who do I want to influence? Sadly, I do not have these answers yet. I believe this will be a journey for me to embark from now on.

Thankfully, after this module, I find myself getting more interested in joining the youth ministry as a leader, to use my influence and impact the lives of the next generation. It may the 2nd, 3rd generation Christians that are oblivious or numbed to the Word already. I am excited in how God will use me. As I've always heard people say to me, "要为主大大地梦想", the time has come. I hope in another year or even month's time, I will be able to find a vision and a core of my leadership in RYM.

If I gain nothing, will I still serve?
I don't know initially. But now, yes. Because I owe my life to Him. He pulled me out of the valley and I can never accomplish any of these without Him. I'm now just giving back. (I've enjoyed God's grace, so all sufferings long zhong come! hahahaha, ref to book of James.)