I didn't know I'll actually feel sad.

I really miss singing.

Just thought about how different it would be if I haven't got elected. And when I see how some of my peers are going to have so much fun, so much opportunities to grow, I'm just jealous.

I chose what I chose today because I'm so damn tired already. And I think it's not fair for the club to nurture me, who is going to quit after the end of the year. I rather give others who are going to stay more opportunities to do many more things.

I really miss the times where I had the opportunity to sing for concerts, performances, and even went Italy for competition. I remember how fun, enriching and life-changing they were and they thought of not being able to do these again just pains me.

Then I was reminded - it's the same between choosing God and the world. What I mean by 'the world' here is - many friends, having a life, various opportunities, interests, hobbies, results. I believe it's not absolute and there's a balance. The fact that I won't be singing as much as compared to the rest makes me really envious, but I have to deal with it. I believe God placed me in this situation, this position as a mentor for a reason to bless other people. It's like a 'calling'. By obeying this calling I am forgoing many many things that people would say 'life experiences'. It's damn heart-wrenching to see others getting all the fun and experience. The fact that I can't tell anyone about this makes me so :'(((((

 But I told God that ultimately I'll choose Him. This is just the beginning. I'll be forced to make tougher choices in the future and I really have to know what's right.

:(