Life's gr8

Life is great!!!

I want to remember this phase of my life which God has blessed me with. I don't think it is by my own might or strength that things could work out so well but it is by the power of God. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it at all but I constantly remind myself by declaring God's promises and His love in my life.

Hard to believe that things have changed so much in the course of a few months. When I declared that 2018 was going to be a better year, I only half-heartedly believed because my 2017 was already so great. But God is good and he delivers to me something I didn't even ask for. What!!

This is where the verse comes alive for me again - Seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these will be added to you.

Palm Sunday

Knowing what he'll have to go through, Jesus still passed the gates of Jerusalem 2000 years ago. Everyone, shouting excitedly, "Hosanna! Blessed in (our) King!", not knowing that they'll hurl insults at the same man 4 days later. They were all coming in with a different understanding of Jesus' Kingship.

Nonetheless, Jesus had a greater mission. He had to save the same people who crucified him. Images of his people floated in his mind. It was us, and he had to get the job done, no matter the amount of pain.

我的名字 刻画在你心中
我的脸孔 深印在你眼中
不是因为 我势力才能
乃是因着 你奇妙宽容恩典

My name is carved in your heart
My image is deeply present in your eyes
It's not because of what I can do
But is because of your amazing grace

How does a spirit-led mission trip look like?

Leading from the previous trip, I felt that the focus was on what can be done (impact) rather than letting the spirit lead. Both approaches are not wrong, but I wanted to experience what I’ve heard from other missionaries, like how the Spirit led them to speak with non-believers, people coming to Christ, etc. I wanted the team to be in tuned with the holy spirit a little more, although I did not know what that would mean.

At the end of the first day, I shared with the team how I needed to find the balance between being led by the HS, and the acts of our own hands. Thankfully, the very next day, God casted my doubts when I saw children attending our Sunday school, singing English worship songs like “10,000 reasons”. They were also joyfully dancing several other worship songs, some of which they barely understand. I saw that their hearts were simple and pure, obedient, innocent, joyful. God expanded my heart to love these children even more. In Mark 10:14, Jesus said “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” God reminded me that to enter into His kingdom, I would have to be like these children. Obedient, simple, innocent, joyful. This is truly a spirit-led mission trip. It does not have to translate into a quantifiable impact. My presence in the kampong lit up the atmosphere, and then in turn, the children became joyful and started praising God, while I am encouraged to love them even more after.

As we descended from the hill, some children ran after our car. Perhaps it was their way of having fun, or they really liked us. At that moment, I knew it was good that I came back for the third time, and I truly want to return many more times. Thank you Jesus, for giving me a heart for missions, and a heart to worship you through serving the children.

This can't be love

One of my favourite jazz standard is "This Can't Be Love", originally sung by Natalie Cole.

But my first contact with this song is hearing Diana Krall singing in a really chill yet upbeat way.

This can't be love, because I feel so well
No sobs, no sorrows, no sighs.

This cant be love, I get no dizzy spells
My head is not in the skies.

My heart does not stand still, just hear it beat.
This is too sweet to be love.

This can't be love, because I feel so well,
But still I love to look in your eyes.

I just thought it's really interesting how the lyricist classifies love using negative behaviours. Instead of singing "this is love because I feel so ______", it examines his/her own physical reactions to someone and then concludes that if there are no such physical sensations, then it is not Love.

But does it really hold true? I'm still trying to find out.

In the past year, I rarely get negative, down, and frustrated. Sad to say, I had my first outburst this past week.

I was suffering from a very sore vocal cords after teaching for 2 hours. The hit was quick - in an instant, I had to whisper to a class full of monkeys and that did not work well. I decided to take the next day off to rest my throat.

I was utterly disappointed at myself. My voice is (kind of) the bread and butter of my profession. Losing it means losing everything. I can't get to work, I can't attend worship practice, I can't sing for my Sunday vocal class.. I was entirely handicapped. This disappointment translated into many pieces of tissues that night. My mind was struggling to understand why something like this should happen to me. I even entertained the thought of quitting and went to jobscentral.com to do a quick search.

For the next 2-3 days, I was only awake for 6 hours out of 24. I slept so much that I incurred a headache, pfft. As it was nearing the weekends, my social media flooded with the many activities my friends were enjoying. This made me spiral deeper into my disappointment as I recalled that I had not socialize much for the last 3 weekends. Where were all my friends? It was then clear that I do not have friends. I'm fine. Because retrospectively, I haven't been a good friend to people. I have been selfish, self-righteous, prideful.. etc. My currency of friendship is convenience. 

Right now I'm just going through this process of self-blame and reflection. Idk why but my life has become more miserable since I've started working. It shouldn't be like this!! I've waited 16 years for this moment and you're telling me that earning money doesn't feel good??? I feel satisfied about the work I've done, but I'm miserable because people in the office seems to care more about the people outside than inside. Which means, I dont even know who they really are. Everything's just so perfect. Or superficial...

quarter-life

I realized I'm getting old when I said I rather nua at home on a Friday night.

Seems to me that I can't be bothered with what others think of me anymore, and in that sense, it's very liberating. To be yourself and not to be too concerned with the outward expressions. But it's bad in a way because I'm too lazy to put in effort into new friendships unless I could really connect with that person (case in point: Mich).

And at this age, I also can't be bothered if people see me having lunch alone, and I bet I didn't feel the same way 3 years ago. It feels good to be at a place like this :)

So nope, no crisis yet, and I thank God for finally bringing me into a good place in life where I appreciate every moment learning, growing, and maturing with excitement. Thank God for realigning my focus and priorities on ministry work, giving me enough strength, ability, and joy to do what needs to be done. So God, I'm just waiting for you to bring me into the next phase of my life, and you know what it is!

Pop the champagne!

Someone finally asked me the question: So is it over for you?

YES IT IS FINALLY OVER FOR ME.

I'm over whatever I have experienced for 1.5 years. 18 months! Goodness gracious me. I took way more time than I had wished for.

It really feels extremely liberating for the baggage to be released. I noticed that I smile more often, dance around more often, and very content with whatever I have now. Of course, I would argue that the whole experience has changed me on a whole new different level, but the happy-go-lucky pris is back. And I'm absolutely excited as to how things will proceed from here.

God is good. He has brought me out of the monstrous, depressing, and seemingly unending misery of the wilderness. I am so much more ready to taste the milk and honey prepared for me!

Not-so-sweet 2016

I'm so glad 2016 is over.

To be honest, it was one of my hardest to date. People comment how fast the year has passed, but I didn't feel so.

The first few months of 2016 has been extremely bitter. Since I just came back from exchange, I had to re-adjust my lifestyle dramatically. Furthermore, it wasn't easy recovering from a relationship and develop new habits again, this time alone. It didn't help when I felt extremely bitter towards my church. I couldn't get into worship every week, and I hated that the fact that being in a Chinese church did not help with my spiritual growth. I was angry that my church did not provide me with what I needed when tough times came - which is the serious study of the word of God. Instead, I got this growth through external sources. I so so so wanted to leave and move somewhere else.

Next few months wasn't as easy as well. Just when I thought I was over everything, jadedness kicked in June/July. Nothing interests me. I pull on a glum face every day during my internship. I hated living life. Bitter. Oh, and I remember how lonely I felt during my second semester in 2016, even though I had some company around. Life was never the same as before.

Against this backdrop of jadedness, bitterness, mindless attitude, I still want to thank God for the things he has accomplished this year. I can safely say I am in a much better state now. God has brought me out from the jadedness and gave me a new heart, new spirit, and a new love for his word and his kingdom. I am very excited with what he can do in 2017.

Just want to share what made the change - In March as we had our youth camp, I realised how tightly knitted my community is. Rather impressive for a youth group from a pure Chinese church. God was showing me how much he loves his people, this community, and that I should too. Subsequently, I told God that I will stay, but he must help me love my ministry more. Give me some divine dissatisfaction so that I can make the changes I want to see. Give me courage to make the ministry a better one for my beloved friends. And he did! Slowly but surely, he did.

God is good. He is faithful. He answered the prayers I made at the start of 2016. It didn't seem like he would do it at that point in time, but he did ultimately. Thanks for healing me Lord, I want to praise you for all that you have done in 2016, for bringing me down but bringing me back up, way higher than I was before. I know you're true, I know you're good. Bring me to greater heights for your kingdom in 2017! I believe I can do so much more with you and for you.

TLDR: God is good and faithful. He delivers his promises. "Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these will be added to you."

Pris, remember this.

Acts 20:32

"Now I commit you to God and to the WORD of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified."

This was Gwilym's last blessing for you, for smu cf. Treasure, Tremble, Take & read, Trust, and Unleash the power. Never forget the things that can be accomplished by the precious Word. 

Because in your life, people will say otherwise. You might even think otherwise. Mainstream pop culture would be inviting. It would look easier to just 'go with the flow', 'follow the crowd.' Godly values will pale in comparison.

But no. Do not, never ever, prefer something else other than God. No matter how difficult it seems. And no, there isn't a compromise between your personality and being godly. God delights in your craziness, sassiness, and the fact that you like to move to any kind of music. Being a Christian doesn't mean being boring and serious. Let God shine through your personality.

So this means that besides reading the word, you need to be joyful. Weariness cannot contain you. Jadedness cannot stay. You gotta press on, keep moving. I believe you can.

Just like the rest

Last Monday, I was asked to attend an interview at the ministry for a music teaching position. In primary schools.

That wasn't my first choice. It wasn't my second either. I remember feeling very disappointed when they offered me the subject. I went like, "what, do I not deserve to teach secondary school students?"

Yet it sat with me for the next few days, and I became more comfortable with the idea. My plan was to get in, be trained, get out, then move on to greater things. To promote the arts and culture industry in Singapore. To preserve our heritage.

With that goal in mind, I hopped on my dad's ride on Monday. "Why don't you teach examinable subjects, like Math, or English? I don't think teaching non-examinable subjects are good for career progression", he said in Mandarin.

"You don't even know what I want to do in the future."

Silence. 1, 2, 3.

"I think the home and foreign affairs need people. They have lots of empty spaces. You see, the who (someone in his social circle) rose up to the top in only 5 years! I mean if you don't like garhment then you can go American company."

Silence.

American company. Corporate slavery. So he's just like the rest eh? Career progression. Do what's profitable and not what you like.

My heart, died, again. I didn't want to ruin my makeup with those tears. So I held back. It was such a painful, disappointing encounter.

I kept telling myself he's not to blame, that maybe, he just wanted a good life for me. Like all parents want for their children. But in the process, it diminishes their agency, it reduces them to a mindless, money-making machine (mmmm) that is just like the rest of the people. Okay I exaggerate, but I felt that it came off that way.

Maybe things change. Maybe in a year I'll be working at Tanjong Pagar, Marina South, Raffles Place. I'll be carrying my Kate bag and my Jimmy heels working a 9-7 job.

But maybe I'll be poor, with less than $5000 in my account. I'll be busking, I'll be performing. Maybe you'll see me working for the Singapore's Art Festival, the Film Festival. Maybe I'll be happy.

Who knows.

The meaning of life

In my first year of university, my professor gave us the option to write a personal essay, or to answer 10 questions based on the textbook. I, obviously chose the latter. I did not have the confidence, nor the capacity to answer his greatest question.

“What is the meaning of life?”

For the past few months, I found myself straddled along the corridors of school, sometimes trying to find study spaces, sometimes just… pondering about life. I’ve came to a point where I seriously question the meaning of my life. My P.C. answer to my own question would be “fulfilling God’s will”, but I think it’s much more than that. Mere bible answers do not satisfy me, especially what I’m facing right now is a mismatch of a perfect reality.

I have spent countless of times studying and having lunches at school canteens by myself. I’m perfectly fine with doing things alone, but the struggle is when I see people who aren’t alone. With friends, with boyfriends, with girlfriends. (Heck, even some people who eat alone looks less miserable than I do.)

And then I try to slot myself in a community which I can identify with. I participate, I be active, and then I realise, I.don’t.fit. It feels more like I’m on the outside when I became more on the inside. But when I'm in a group setting, I almost always want to curl up in my bed alone. I’m tired of making friends and opening up.

The idea of loneliness isn’t new to me, but it becomes very salient at this point in my life. I don’t need a large group of friends, I just need close ones. I don’t need grades to validate me, I just need to do my best. I don’t need 24/7 company, I just need some. It’s especially crippling because I’m at a point where I question my direction in life. Where am I gonna go after graduation? What am I gonna do? How am I gonna contribute to society? What is my purpose in life?

I’ve got more time to think about these uncertainties when I’m alone, which makes me especially afraid. Back in those days where I had company, eating alone was somehow an enjoyment. 

I still do not have any answer to the greatest question; an answer that can sustain me in my day-to-day living. I’m definitely aware of the whole big-picture thing, but I need more than that. All I can pray is for God to restore me, for God to give something new in my life, to open my eyes and let me focus on what’s eternal. To remember the works of the ultimate life-giver. If there was no meaning to this, then there’s no meaning to the cross.

But I learn new things.

1. friendship is transient
2. you fight your own battles
3. maybe I’m being prepared to do greater things in future which requires me to be alone most of the time

Lastly, if you’re my friend, please do not be offended by this piece of reflection, because I really do treasure you, and I appreciate your presence, your welcome, your effort to be inclusive. Like I said, I have to fight my own battles.

P.S. While this piece was on draft, I may have discovered that I build walls around people (?) unknowingly. Not sure how true this is. 

Microcephaly: To abort or not

With reference to the recent Zika virus, do you think it is ethical for infected pregnant mothers to abort their unborn fetus? Zika virus is said to cause microcephaly (small heads, abnormal brain growth) in babies.

I came across this question in my ethics class today. The prof subtly suggested that it was ethical to abort the baby because the child might grow up and say, 'I don't want to be born into this world'. The mother is depriving the right of the child to live normally, or something like that.

I felt really uncomfortable with that, partly because the mother did not give the child a right to live (in the first place). From a utilitarian perspective, abortion could possibly benefit the child and the family. The child does not have to physically or emotionally suffer from the disease, while the family is rid of the financial burden that they may incur. Win-win.

Abortion shouldn't be the only answer to this problem. I challenged his notion and suggested that if this abortion was correct, then mothers should not bring more children into the world if she cannot afford it. Assuming a scarcity of resources, a poor family would not be able to raise a child as well as a rich family. The child would be deprived of the right to development and possibly attention. Based on that argument, wouldn't it be wrong to give birth to a child where there is a high chance the economic status of the family will bring more harm than good? I could possibly tell my parents, "hey mum and dad, I don't want to be born into this world. I kinda suffered because we couldn't afford better living conditions. It was unethical for you to bring me into this world."

But my idea was shot. Prof said that there is a distinct difference between physical disability and social status, in my example. However, when I talk about being born into a poor family, I don't just mean social status. I mean the deprivation of so many opportunities that would otherwise be possible if a family has one less child. Or none at all.

Let me take it a step further. Consider a family of 6. Average income, enough to feed the 6 of them but not more. Mother gets pregnant, have the kid, but expenses would have to be split among the other siblings. Attention too. Next, consider a family of 3. Average income, enough to have 2-3 children. Mother gets pregnant, but the child was tested to have no legs. Have the kid, and although it may be tough for his caretakers, they manage financially and mentally.

Based on these 2 examples, I say it would be more ethical to abort the 'normal' child, just because of his family's ability to provide that level of care. The disabled child may face more challenges in terms of adapting to the society, but that doesn't negate the fact that the impoverished child won't as well.

So in my opinion, I just think it's unethical to justify the example my prof gave, which is to decide outright that a child born with physical defects is worse off than an impoverished child, demanding such a drastic measure as abortion.

I just had to rant this out, because I felt I was being misunderstood in class. Oh well, ethics is a never-ending debate that renders no conclusion.

P.S. My classmates were saying that it's really easy to spot Christians in an ethics class. Those who turned their heads at the mention of abortion, drugs, pre-marital sex or what not, are definitely one of us.

Is this love

My heart skips when I hear your name.

My mind runs wild.

I die a little inside when I see you around.

I have no control over the way I feel.

So don't come near me.

Avoid the places I'll be.

'Cos I wonder if I'm ever able to revive my heart

when it has died every time you ran across my head.

Pretty awesome mate!

No prizes for guessing where I went from the title above. Australia!

I was so blessed to be able to make this trip 2 weeks before the start of my graduating year in university. I planned for this trip since god-knows-when, all to visit my best friend who's studying in Melbourne. I invited my brother along, who is about to enlist in 2 months time. Partly also because he's never been out of SEA.

If I were in secondary school, I would probably blog about what I ate, what I did, where we went; every single detail. But I'm not. This trip is blog-worthy because of the things that could have gone wrong but didn't. And I'm extremely thankful. This may not be the trip of my life, but it has certainly shed some perspective that I cannot take grace for granted.

Things that could go wrong/that went wrong.

1. Domestic transfer
To save $100, I booked at multi-city flight from Singapore-Perth, then Perth-Melbourne on Emirates. Connection time is about 2 hours, but little did I know that we were to clear customs, collect our baggage, before we could check in for our second flight. Google shows that the transfer bus from the international to domestic terminal departs every half hour. Shag. Throughout the journey I was so frickin nervous about missing our connecting flight, and even got Szemin to pray.

You know how it turned out - well. No queue at the customs (probably due to winter), our baggage was one of the firsts to come out, smooth transfer with time to spare. Thank God.

Oh, did I mention. I didn't know we had to apply for visas. So I panicked when we were checking in at Changi airport.

2. Airbnb
The location of our airbnb was great, just a traffic light away from Queen Vic market. We reached earlier than the stated check in time, so we got the host to place his keys outside. We spent 30 mins trying to locate the keys in some god-forsaken meter cupboard, but gave up and went for lunch. We still managed to check in but we were met with a first-world problem: WIFI ISN'T WORKING. He said his wifi spoiled, and offered his hotspot. Whut. I won't use it. This whole wifi thing seriously inconvenienced us in our planning man. No go.

3. Grampians hike
I am the only one who has a license, and I wasn't prepared to do 4 hour drives and still be able to hike. Szemin researched and found out it was possible to take public transport from the city, but it would take 5-6 hours. But the problem with public transport is, you don't get a say when to leave. Initially, the website states that the earliest train back was at 2pm. But Sze min wanted to attend a Greek bible class on the very same day at 2pm! So after some searching and googling, we managed to find a route that takes us back early in the morning. Butttt, the ticketing counter couldn't issue us the tickets because the first bus is owned by a private contractor. In the end, I just took the leap of faith and trust that we could buy tickets while we're there. and we did!

4. Airbnb room
Our second bnb was very clean, and we even had our private bathroom. Wifi signal is strong, so no complaints. The host handed me two keys and I was ready to get out. Being Asians, I wanted to make sure my belongings are safely secured in the room, so I inserted my keys and turned the lock. It worked. I proceeded to lock the door from inside. BUT MY KEY DIDN'T UNLOCK THE LOCK. So crap. We were locked out of our own room. The host wasn't at home, so we sent a message and asked them for the spare keys, and then headed out. Hours later, she sent a message saying that she didn't have spare keys. At that moment I felt like I could cry. In an attempt to feel better, I told myself - 'if it's a problem that money can solve, then it's not a problem at all'. At most, I'll pay for the locksmith myself. While I tried to let it rest, the matter kept coming back to my mind. But thank God, the host settled it before dinner, paid for the locksmith, and I had a smashing time at this indie gig in Brunswick. Thank God.

5. Going home
Being poor meant that I took the public transport to the airport. I thoroughly checked the schedule the night before, made sure we could reach on time while still having time to bid my last goodbye to my bff. The train was on time, but the problem was the BUS. I seriously panicked when it didn't come after 10 mins. There was a 'next bus' signboard, but the numbers kept jumping upwards; not a good sign. It was an excruciating half hour before we hoped on, and then I could have my last Melbourne sushi in peace. I didn't miss my check in time.

Aaaaand that's it! There were many more mini epiphanies along the trip, but I'll leave them for myself to enjoy. These 5 'go-wrong' moments gave the trip more meaning, and also something to laugh at. Thinking back, this is the first time I spent 10 consecutive days with my bff. But I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it, enjoyed everything we did.


No pictures because I'm a lazy person!

My last summer

For the past 3 months, I had the privilege to intern at a consulting firm.

Today's my first day without work, and looking back, I thought it was a pretty good experience. There were definitely times when I groaned and whined in the morning, but it doesn't discount some of the good times I had. In fact, I thought the whole internship could be so much better if I didn't let my personal feelings affect my emotions at work.

As a HR intern, I was responsible for mostly HR projects, although I did a fair bit of other work including cold calling. On my first day, I was thrown into cold calling without ANY training, and my first call ended up to be a Mandarin speaking uncle. Fumbled so much because I didn't manage to go through the Chinese script prior to the call. Thankfully, my Chinese was quite zai la, so it turned out successful! lol.

I spent a bulk of my time on this task called 'Functional Competencies', where I had to download all of Workforce Development Agency's (WDA) competencies standard, copy the information one by one to an Excel sheet, and then compiling it into a Word guidebook. I swear it is the most tortuous and boring thing I had to do. Someone said, 'this kind of copy and pasting can do until you drool one'. I think he meant that one could stone and still continue the task. Agreed.

Nonetheless, I had the opportunity to meet clients and attended two focus group discussions. Even though I was just there to type away (for four hours nonstop!), I could totally relate what I learnt in school with reality! Facilitating a discussion is never an easy job, so it was interesting to see how the directors go about doing it. Very, very fulfilling.

That being said, I think the most important factor in deciding a fun and a not-so-fun internship is the company. Not the organisation, but the friend-company. There were about 14 interns in a 30-50 sized firm. Imagine the dynamics here. Due to space limitation, it was difficult for 14 of us to share a small workspace with the full timers. Hence, we demarcated a separate training room as our boundary. We played ping-poing, contract bridge, and even threw stress balls around. I'm guilty of the first 2. Haha. But of course, our ethic is that we work hard and we play hard. All these wouldn't be possible if we didn't finish our work. I think these spurts of fun and entertainment really bonded us as a group.

Moving forward, this internship helped me chart my career options. I still don't know what I want, but I definitely know what I don't want. Consulting isn't something for me, because I prioritise work-life balance a lot. By a lot, I mean ALOTTTTTT. It's something I discovered only this summer. I don't want to bring home work. I don't want to be sending work-related emails at 3am. Many have told me this isn't possible even outside of the consulting industry. True, but for consulting, it's worse. At least I could try my luck outside. Everyone has different priorities. It happens to be this for me. For now, I'm just gonna look forward to my last year of school, and hopefully one more internship!

Photo time!
For memories sake

It was Jena's last day and we moved the couch so we could take this picture. 

Lunch time coma. But this guy is really the king!

Our first dinner out at Stickies! Had about 5 towers and a second round. Fun times.

Our pingpong balls deflated one afternoon, and everyone panicked. Someone found this at the CCA hall and just kope-d it.

Our last day. ORD-LOH

One year on

If it's possible to love someone forever, then it's also impossible to stop loving.

#sometimesinlife

No fear drink beer

I find today extremely endearing. Besides the really fun arts event I had in church, I really didn't regret hanging out late with club jade(d) doing poor man's stuff - buying discounted beer at 7 Eleven and sitting by Timbre to reap its positive externality - the live band. This cheap thrill seriously brought some perspective to my life again - the things that I pursue so much in life are simply distractions that  makes my stay on earth more bearable. Because I know what I should really look forward to.

I honestly have the Indian dude at 7 Eleven to thank tonight.

10000 reasons

I have to document this down!

Today marks the first time I led worship alone for the main service. I wasn't intimidated, but I wasn't particularly excited as well. But I knew it was something I had to do eventually.

Corporate listening last Sunday have left us with a simple message - be joyful. Some of us, including myself, have found it hard to be spiritually lifted up for quite some time. But it shouldn't be this way! The thief comes to steal and destroy, but God has come to give life, and this includes joy. Nothing can snatch this away. One of us made a good point: instead of finding many reasons to thank God, we just need ONE thanksgiving to thank God 10,000 times. Which is true! I often forget that.

Amazingly, I was soooooo positive throughout the day of worship practice. I haven't felt so happy about myself for a very long time. I didn't feel jaded; I felt refreshed instead. And that's when I knew that the message for the worship is a one of joy. God is capable of giving joy as much as we feel it is impossible to be lifted up.

Today's worship went really well, and I offer my praise to God. He really did it. The congregation responded. They were spiritually lifted, just as much as Jesus was lifted. Great start to the week!

My road trip love

Some people have commented that I’m too strict when it comes to love.

Let me give you an analogy.

Given that you have a limited amount of money, you would want to purchase the best car possible. Let’s say you love BMW. You trust BMW. You know that it’s reliable, and it’s gonna bring you to places safely. You have high standards. You know the price you pay is going to have huge returns. You save up and buy the BMW.

Ok let’s say you’re willing to settle for something else. Maybe to you, the function it performs matter more. It brings you from point A to B, and you just want a no frills experience. Then perhaps Toyota would be a good choice. But you get what you pay. Perhaps in a freak accident, the Toyota protects you less than a BMW can. Your standards determine your choice.

This isn’t the perfect analogy because in the imperfect world, not everyone can and will be able to afford a luxury car in their lifetime. Although the case might be so, my point here is that I believe my high standards will gather good returns. I don’t want to compromise on getting a sub-standard car just because I want to drive.

What’s more – Marriage isn’t a car. It’s not gonna be a smooth ride. 

A friend once told me, 'you don't just forget someone, that person just become less important to you'.

And she's damn right.